Have they invented cloning yet? Part I

If I knew then about what the online and tech industry would have to do to stay on top of everything in terms of new and emerging marketing, technology, social networking, web 2.0 and the new industry standards. I am not sure whether I would have changed careers or not. I try to spend at least a half an hour a day keeping on and reading about new things in the industry and every Friday spend several hours reading the backlog of whitepapers, news report and newsletters that tend to pile up in my “to follow up” folder. It boggles the mind. There is so much to learn about, explore and create but it gets exhausting to try to keep up with it all.

In the food business, trends come and go, food and commodity prices fluctuate daily and staff changes over like clockwork. But realistically, other then the addition of online marketing, the evolution of POS systems and most customers (because of the internet) are maybe a bit more savvy: when it comes right down to it, the restaurant business hasn’t changed that much. If you looked at the restaurant business analytically from 20 years ago and now, you could count on one hand the amount of drastic changes the industry has gone through.

The tech industry on the other hand. Now where do I start? I was (and still am) a huge lover of science fiction growing up. That people could instantly communicate with someone or a group of someones halfway across the world was sci-fi, that we could have little computers that connected wirelessly to instant information was sci-fi. That I could write a note about something and someone I have never met over in Australia could comment on it was sci-fi.

I remember reading old (to me) science fiction from the 50’s and in them, spaceships to the moon and cell phones were just a figment of the imagination of writers like Clarke and Heinlein. I go to the supermarket and 2 dozen people are yakking on their cell phones, who would have thought it?

The idea that going into this business 4 years ago was going to turn into a full time and half job may have made me think twice. Staying up on the restaurant business now (I read the same newsletters and publications I used to) is only a small portion of my “keep up” time devoted to my business every week.

Nut Huggers and Mangy Gerkins

I subscribe to the Urban Dictionary word of the day email, because like the Adrants newsletter, there is usually something in it to snicker about. Last week the word of the day was nut huggers and when I read the definition, I had to write about what it reminded me of.

I worked in Vermont for about a year and half at a wholesale fish, gourmet food and catering establishment in Burlington as their chef. One of the new wholesale people that came on board shortly after I started, I’ll call him “Tam”.

“Tam” used to wear the most skin tight jeans we ever saw on anyone who could still breathe naturally. One wonders what that does to the reproduction factor, but in this case it was probably just as well. He was a bit of a slob to boot.

“Tam” was also one of the most foul mouthed people I have ever worked with (and I have worked for some doozys!) We also had about 4 on average, sweet young things working for us from the local high school at any given time. “Matt” was also very much of a sexual harassment non-model citizen when it came to them.

They reported him many times to the owner, as did many of us in management and the owner refused to do anything or even believe it. No one that could like his own team (football) could be that much of a scumbag. It took several of us to get him repeatedly on tape (not the suggested or legal method by the way) to have the owner listen for himself to it, to final get enough sway to finally fire him.

In the interim of the many months that passed before he got fired, my fellow managers and I took to having discussions about which was smaller, a cornichon or a gerkin. We settled on the gerkin and “Tam” and his nut huggers became known thenceforth as the “Gerkin” until which time as my husband, (then boyfriend) stopped in and mentioned that he thought “Tam” looked mangy. So the Mangy Gerkin was born.

To this day, friends who I still keep in touch with that used to work there with me, the very mention of “Mangy Gerkin” will still crack us up. In hindsight knowing what I know now. There are better ways to pursue and deal with sexual harassment in the workplace but to a staff of mostly women that had to deal with a foul mouthed bottom feeder, we did what was necessary at the time.

A tad more to mixed feelings…

I was reminded of my step-daughter this morning and the “outfit” nails thing. Having at 13 started dishwashing in the back of the house and cutting my nails extremely short, to this day I cannot tolerate long nails. I have tried to grow them several times and get peeved when they clack on the keyboard or get fugly with potting soil, I have to clip them short still.

I went to the supermarket this afternoon and about doubled over laughing when the chick behind me online at the checkout just about went ballistic when she broke a nail. I don’t think she thought it amusing that I was laughing at her but I couldn’t help it. Never knowing or wanting “nails” I don’t think I missed much. I wonder if I missed out? NAH

Very Mixed Feelings………….

My step-daughter would like to go to cooking school. She’s almost out of High School and works in a small café as a waitperson and the owner says he will apprentice her in the back of the house next year. She says she wants to take a year off before going off to college to make sure that cooking is what she really wants to do.

I moved in with the family when she was 6 years old and she spent many happy years messing around in the kitchen with me. She saw me come home with horrid burns on my arms from sheetpans , stressed from working 90 hours weeks, overheard conversations between her father and myself about the druggie waiters at the restaurant I was working at, the manipulative owners I worked for, seen me exhausted the next morning waking up at noon on Sunday mornings after staggering home at 3 in the morning because staff didn’t show up.

She also saw the “gourmet” side of it, being in Newspapers, in Magazines, coming with me to help at SOS (Share Our Strenth) events or Taste of the Nation fundraisers. She got to experience first hand that being out there with a white chef’s coat and a toque was “Cool!” She would occasionally come with her Dad to restaurants I was working at and I would put her to work peeling carrots or chopping parsley during prep time. She liked the kitchens, she liked the camaraderie that she saw and liked the food. She got kicked out during service, which in hind sight would have been good for her to watch.

The café she works is at is mostly bakery, day time hours, no line, no stress. It’s not very realistic if she wants to get into the cooking end. All the horror stories in the world have not dissuaded her that the cooking world is no place for a sweet and tender innocent like herself. Perhaps I’m being over protective, but having spent 20 years working in the middle of and seen the abuse of: - sex, drugs, alcohol and way to much stress, I don’t want my cutie-pie to go there.

She called us last night and told us she would be working in the back this weekend, unhappy because she wouldn’t be able to spend time with us, but ecstatic because she was going to working in the kitchen. Although I did cringe and then had to laugh when she told us she had her “outfit” all set. Umm……outfit? My dear is in for a rude awakening when she finds her long painted nails have to go too. Oh boy!

The movie “Waiting”

We had the dubious pleasure of renting “Waiting” last night. Yes we had heard it was bad, but we were looking forward to seeing the waiters and cooks supposedly get “revenge” on the bad customers. There were some genuinely funny moments but honestly I know chef/cooks mistreat food but I have NEVER seen them rub their genitals on it. What amazed me was how few things that they got right in the movie.

Only one restaurant term was used once, “in the weeds”, the bus boys snorting whippets (the compressed gas from the whipped cream containers) made us laugh because I have seen staff do that. A restaurant I know of in Stowe, VT burned down several (well many years) because a line cook was snorting whippets and smoking a cig, he passed out and cig went wild, he was very lucky. The place burned to the ground and he was unhurt.

A cook wrapping up a sheetpan of product using one long piece of saran wrap and the psycho waitress (Alanna Ubach) who was nuts in the kitchen and all sweetness and light to customers, definitely seen that! I think it was sad that they picked a chain restaurant to pick on as usually the servers there are trained better then most stand alone places.

To many TV shows and movies portray the restaurant scene as either light and fluffy where no one actually works or Everyone is totally looney, like “Waiting.” I would highly recommend this for people who are into too much swearing and weenie jokes. Definitely not for the kids or anyone who wants to watch something intelligent.

Chef Forfeng rating - this one is so bad it rates 4 stinky dill pickles.

Life as a Chef

There are times I miss being a Chef. I miss the adrenaline rush of being on the line and being slammed. I miss munching on Caesar salad leftovers at two in the morning and having a glass of wine at the end of the night with the owner to discuss how the night went. If I could do it all over again I am not sure the path I would have taken would have been the same.

As I moved up the ranks to becoming an Executive Chef, I spent less time cooking and more time managing and doing paperwork. As a line cook, the enjoyment I got out of coming into work and just cooking was lessened as I rose through the restaurant ranks. As a line cook, you come in to work, do your prep for the night, cook and go home. No midnight worries about whether you have ordered the salmon for the next day’s function. No stresses about having to write a menu for a catered party of all vegetarians later in the week.

Did the publicity and public acknowledgement make up for not being able to directly pursue my passion, which was creating, playing with and cooking food as often as I used to? Yes and no.

Yes, because it was gratifying to send newspaper articles to my relatives and have people meet me and say, “Hey, you were in that magazine I read the other day!”

No, because my passion was the food and cooking the food. I still get overly enthusiastic when describing how wonderful the food was in Italy. How mouthwatering the spinach was, freshly picked from the garden outside the restaurant. How amazing the roasted garlic, freshly dug up and roasted in front of us on an open fire hearth. I love cooking the food and talking about the food. I would suggest people who have dreams about being a Chef, being famous and being in the public eye, contemplate How to Evaluate if You want a Career as a Chef. This may not be a career you want to pursue or it may be perfect for you.

The wonders of spell-check!

I have to make this comment about Chefs that don’t run spell check on their menus. I HAD to run spell check on my menus when I was cooking because not only am I a terrible speller, I am dyslexic as all get out. I wish I was kidding!

This post is prompted by one of my customers that I post menus for online, that consistently makes major spelling errors and I see them in print in the newspaper as well: not to mention they also have a tendency to misappropriate nouveau and classical menu items, such as “fill in the blank” Veloute (Soup).

Having seen this several times on their menus in the past year it’s just a reminder to those chefs who like to put fun little adjectives/nouns/verbs on inappropriate items (Don’t do it, you end up looking like an idjit), but guys (and gals) Veloute is a sauce. One of the Mother Sauces at that. While I love sauces I don’t think eating one as a soup would be terribly yummy. Although it is very useful for a good laugh first thing in the morning.

Needless to say, having dealt with egotistical chefs for many years, myself being one of them formally. I don’t comment back, I just fix the spelling errors. The Veloute (soup) no comment!

A disappointing meal out in CA

We just got back this Sunday from out in Santa Monica. Being the very few times of the year that we go out to eat every night as opposed to here in NH, where the majority of the restaurants are sadly lacking close by, it’s usually a fun experience.

We had a most un-fun experience at Mariasol on the Santa Monica Pier. We usually visit out there several times a year and almost always go there for lunch and occasionally dinner. The food there was generally decent and consistent, not fine dining but the nachos were always good.

We will not be returning next time we are out there.

The service was ok but the food left a lot to be desired. They cut many items off the regular menu, apparently they have new management (according to the waiter). We ordered an app of fried calamari, ick! Overcooked, overbreaded (can we say Sysco frozen?) with marinara (if you can call it that) straight out of the can.

The main course: my husband had shrimp with vegetables. Overcooked shrimp, mushy veggies. Need I say more? Mine? Chicken Flautas, undercooked tortillas, non existant dry chicken, instant minute rice.

The topper of this all was the watery margaritas, the worst we have ever had.

While I said the service was decent, you would have thought they would have noticed the mostly picked at/un-eaten food and 1/2 finished margis. Needless to say when we left we legged it on down to Lula and had fantastic margaritas and great food. (as usual)

The downside of both of us being in the business is we don’t complain about things when we should because we always feel like we are being a heel. In this case I was tempted to track down the GM and give him a piece of my mind but the urge for a decent margi and being yes mam’ed (without anything useful actually sinking in) was not really appealing.

By the way the TAMALES OAXAQUENOS (Oaxaca) Chicken Tamales in Mole Negro wrapped in Banana Leaves at Lula are fantastic.

Review of “Service Included” part deux

To continue………….I just finished reading “Service Included,” Phoebe Damrosch’s memoir about waiting tables at the acclaimed Manhattan restaurant Per Se.

Loved the book, funny food stories, love the realism, could have done without the out of the restaurant life. Sorry there chicky, your life outside the restaurant is not nearly as interesting. But I bet Phoebe knows how to pronounce Amuse-Bouche properly unlike Catherine Z.J. see post about “No Reservations.”

Chef Forfeng rating - 3 1/2 Gherkins

Review of “Service Included”

I just finished reading “Service Included,” Phoebe Damrosch’s memoir about waiting tables at the acclaimed Manhattan restaurant Per Se.

I have to totally side track here for a moment and switch my head over to my other business which is IT geeketteness. The Per Se website is well………… it’s interesting. Entirely Flash based with no apparent option to go to text only or something that doesn’t move around so much or even skip the moving pictures intro. A true example of a site designer that makes himself (or herself) do totally neat things with Flash and ignores the concept of web site viewer = potential restaurant client = restaurant paying customer.

After waiting 14 seconds (way to long first of all) just to get to the navigation menu, spent a good five minutes poking around looking for some sort of restaurant menu, I get food stories, great! I know their menu changes daily etc. etc. etc., but they have specialties, they have menu items they run all the time. Give me some information to sink my teeth into!

Clicked away finally feeling like I needed some Dramamine, not very conducive to feeling like I need to eat something. By the way, if you are old fashioned like me and set your screen rez to a setting where you can actually read things, don’t bother to look at the Per Se site if it’s set to less then 1024 X 768, no auto scroll bars and no auto re-sizer. Cuts off the whole bottom of the page. Missed quite a bit when I first took a peak.

Back to the book - on the next post : )