One of the restaurants I worked at as a line cook had this Waitron named Tom, who was an awfully nice guy but he was an absolutely atrocious waiter. It would probably have helped if he didn’t show up stoned every time he was on the schedule but that’s the way it was with him, he floated through life, happy but oblivious. Tom was a great one for pulling what ingredients were in a menu item out of his arse when he forgot what it was. We had a menu meeting before service started every day to let the wait staff know what the specials were and what was in them and to answer any questions they might have. Tom could never remember things two minutes after he was told something, so expecting him to remember that Ratatouille was NOT a type of pasta may have been a little to much to be expected of him.
My favorite “Tomism” as we called them, was when we had Mahi Mahi as a special one night. Mahi Mahi is also known as Dolphin Fish, which in hind sight it was a mistake telling him that. Needless to say, Tom’s very first table was an elderly retired couple who he then proceeded to tell that we had Dolphin as one of our specials that night, grilled lightly and served with a very nice lemon herb butter.
The sweet little old lady came barging into the kitchen screaming that we were cruel and inhumane and we were serving an intelligent animal as a main course and she was going to report us to the authorities. I remember exchanging puzzled looks with the other cooks wondering what the heck she was talking about. “Cows? Intelligent?”
After calming her down and finding out what she was told by our brain surgeon waiter, we explained that Dolphin Fish was a fish and that no, we were not serving Flipper. Tom got sacked shortly after that, but not for his table side “Tomisms” but because he was boffing the owner’s wife.