You know you’re a social media “expert” or “guru” if…..

Remember Jeff Foxworthy? Or maybe this should be a Letterman list?

You know you’re a social media “expert” or “guru” if:

You have social media links on every piece of content you have online…..with no followers, no fans, no unique content and you are trying to get people to pay you only $49.95 for a “Get more business using social media” handbook.

You know you’re a social media “expert” or “guru” if:

You follow 2000 people on twitter and the only people following you are p-o-r-n bots.

You know you’re a social media “expert” or “guru” if:

You troll social media sites messaging people out of the blue, “Get my ebook and learn the secrets of being a millionaire in just 500 easy steps.”

You know you’re a social media “expert” or “guru” if:

You write in your blog posts, you are a heavy user of twitter and your last post was May 2009.

You know you’re a social media “expert” or “guru” if:

If someone innocently follows you back on twitter you immediately spam DM them and then troll their website for an email address, so you can spam them by email (with of course no Can-Spam policies or un-subscription options).

You know you’re a social media “expert” or “guru” if:

You have a wordpress blog installed on your site and its been up since 2008 and it still has the default template text in it.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, emphasis consectetuer adipiscing elit. Nullam dignissim convallis est. Quisque aliquam. Donec faucibus. Nunc iaculis suscipit dui. Nam sit amet sem. Aliquam libero nisi, imperdiet at, tincidunt nec, gravida vehicula, nisl. Praesent mattis, massa quis luctus fermentum, turpis mi volutpat justo, eu volutpat enim diam eget metus. Maecenas ornare tortor. Donec sed tellus eget sapien fringilla nonummy. Mauris a ante. Suspendisse quam sem, consequat at, commodo vitae, feugiat in, nunc. Morbi imperdiet augue quis tellus.

You know you’re a social media “expert” or “guru” if:

Your click through site from twitter or facebook is a badly misspelled template site with flashing red lettering and annoying pop-ups.

You know you’re a social media “expert” or “guru” if:

You “talk” to Oprah or pretty much any type of celebrity on twitter and you think it makes you look cool and you think anyone that uses twitter is stupid enough to think they reply.

You know you’re a social media “expert” or “guru” if:

You have a pricing form online for your social media “expertise” costing several K for the “starter package” with not one single portfolio piece to back it up with.

You know you’re a social media “expert” or “guru” if:

Your business bio lists all of your failed enterprises before becoming a whiz kid at social media.  “Before I went into social media, I had a Cambridge Who’s Who directory business… but it didn’t work out and then I tried training race horses but the horses didn’t like me, so it didn’t work out. I went to work for Bernie Madoff but he took all my money, so it didn’t work out. But go ahead and trust ME because I’m a savvy business person!”

Feel free to add some more!

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About Chef Forfeng

Innkeeping Tip and Tricks: Please check out some marketing ideas for Inns and B&Bs, Blogging ideas, Facebook Tips and Social Media Tutorials https://chefforfeng.wordpress.com/marketing-for-lodging-resources/
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4 Responses to You know you’re a social media “expert” or “guru” if…..

  1. really funny…but valuable,given me in idea about what social media experts do

  2. Lara Dickson says:

    Bah ha ha! Venting are you? I think I’ve been DM’d by every one of those people.

  3. Sarah says:

    Oh man…just whenI was just getting so jazzed that NPR and Matt Cutts friended me. LOL. Fun post!

  4. David Hall says:

    Funny article, thanks for sharing!

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