Top Ten things I’d like to do to Spammers

Yes this is an evil list, but spammers are evil, Think Darth Vader crossed with Baron Vladimir Harkonnen and you have idea of how lower then pond scum I think spammers rate.

Recently made madder then a wet hen by a spammer (an actual clueless business no less) this is what happens when you wake up at 1:00 am and have insomnia. Inspiration!

  1. Make them eat a spam, marmite, casu marzu, okra and durian fruit sandwich. Stinky AND revolting.
  2. Force feed them spam until they reach Violet Beauregarde proportions, (a la Willy Wonka)
  3. Put them in a suit made of spam and drop them in the African Veldt among a hyena pack.
  4. Leave a large paper bag of flaming rotten spam on their front porch (a la doggie smuch) I understand spam takes about 3 weeks to actually rot opened and un-refrigerated. That’s a scary thought in of itself.
  5. Puree spam and dump it in their car ventilation system (would make an interesting call to Car Talk)
  6. Drop them on a deserted desert island with a years worth of spam to live on.
  7. Find Serge from the Tim Dorsey novels and have him come up with a creative way to kill the spammer with spam.
  8. Hmmmmmm, Soylent green is made of people, Solyent spam anyone?
  9. Air drop 3 tons of sliced spam in their yard, making sure to coat the car. Rumor has it spam makes a dandy paint remover.
  10. Put them in solitary and make them listen to a non-stop loop of Monty Pythons Spam Glorious Spam song for 48 hours.

About Chef Forfeng

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